Posted in Motherhood, Random Thoughts

A New Journey

I have never had the best relationship with food.  I love it.  I’m sure I love it a bit too much.  I like to eat.  I like to try new foods.  I try not to worry too much about calories, as long as it tastes good.  And that has lead me down a path that I know I’m not happy in.  I love myself as much as I can, which is to say not nearly enough as I deserve.  I think that I’m witty.  I’m easy to get along with.  I try to be someone that people like to talk to.  But all of that means nothing when I look in the mirror and am disgusted by what I see.  Okay, maybe not disgusted, but certainly not pleased.  I never thought I was vain before, but when I found that I had skin cancer on my nose, all of that sort of changed.  And now I notice it.

I think I have a skewed sense of what I actually look like as well.  I look at me and am sometimes more comfortable.  But then I see a picture, and it all comes crashing down.  Like how people with eating disorders always see themselves as fat.  I always see myself as not quite as fat as I actually am.  And I really need to do something about it.

I don’t think that diets work for me.  I get grumpy.  My husband tells me that I’m not someone he likes to be around when I’m trying to restrict my calories.  I don’t blame him.  I don’t want to be around me either when I’m doing that.

So what am I doing?  Well, I’ve been seeing the ads for Noom online for a while now.  I’ve taken their quiz thing a couple of times.  And now I’m going to give it a try.  Here I am, on day four.  238 lbs of me.  And maybe by the time I’m done, I’ll be a few pounds lighter.  Maybe I’ll have a better relationship with food.  But most importantly, maybe I’ll have a better relationship with myself.

Maybe.

 

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