I have never had the best relationship with food. I love it. I’m sure I love it a bit too much. I like to eat. I like to try new foods. I try not to worry too much about calories, as long as it tastes good. And that has lead me down a path that I know I’m not happy in. I love myself as much as I can, which is to say not nearly enough as I deserve. I think that I’m witty. I’m easy to get along with. I try to be someone that people like to talk to. But all of that means nothing when I look in the mirror and am disgusted by what I see. Okay, maybe not disgusted, but certainly not pleased. I never thought I was vain before, but when I found that I had skin cancer on my nose, all of that sort of changed. And now I notice it.
I think I have a skewed sense of what I actually look like as well. I look at me and am sometimes more comfortable. But then I see a picture, and it all comes crashing down. Like how people with eating disorders always see themselves as fat. I always see myself as not quite as fat as I actually am. And I really need to do something about it.
I don’t think that diets work for me. I get grumpy. My husband tells me that I’m not someone he likes to be around when I’m trying to restrict my calories. I don’t blame him. I don’t want to be around me either when I’m doing that.
So what am I doing? Well, I’ve been seeing the ads for Noom online for a while now. I’ve taken their quiz thing a couple of times. And now I’m going to give it a try. Here I am, on day four. 238 lbs of me. And maybe by the time I’m done, I’ll be a few pounds lighter. Maybe I’ll have a better relationship with food. But most importantly, maybe I’ll have a better relationship with myself.